“Like Throwing Corn to the Chickens”: The Longest-Caption Contest

The New Yorker, January 29, 1972, by George Booth

The average New Yorker cartoon caption uses approximately 10 to 15 words, but 30 years ago, two cartoonists, George Booth and Henry Martin, tested the limits on how long a caption could be.

According to Booth, the good friends started a friendly unspoken contest to see who could get the longest caption published in the magazine. Soon they were submitting captions with 60, 80, even 100 words or more in the caption. “I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t feel comfortable about the caption,” says Booth of the competition. When we reached him by phone, Henry Martin did not recall the contest, but spoke highly of his lengthy-caption-writing cohort.

In a section headed “Captions” in his 1998 book The Essential George Booth, former New Yorker cartoon editor Lee Lorenz writes, “Cartooning is also writing, and a good cartoonist has to be a good writer.” Discussing the matter in the book, Booth describes his penchant for long captions: “It becomes a musical thing, a rhythm of writing and feeling… I’ll start to read it out loud, and get a feel for it and change it. I’ll write all over three pages to get something like this, and then go back with a yellow marker and pick up parts of it and throw others out. It’s a little like a poem. You get a feeling that rolls and then finally you get a punch. You may not know what it is while you’re doing it, but you keep feeding…”

“The New Yorker didn’t mind printing long captions, but I don’t remember it ever being a formal contest between just Booth and Martin,” Lorenz said in a recent phone interview. “For all cartoonists, it was a chance to do a little bit of writing, but I suppose a lot of George’s things were kind of surreal.”

A quick look in the database shows that Booth perhaps won the contest. This caption, from a June 26, 1978 cartoon, contains 205 words.

The New Yorker, June 26, 1978

“Mrs. Van Lewis-Smythe, third wife of your chairman of the board, said to me this evening at the corporate hoodingy, and twenty people within earshot, ‘We all know what Mr. Parmalee does. He is a very important vice-president of the Hi Lee Lolly Corporation. What we are all wondering, Mrs. Parmalee, is. . . just what is it that you do? Do you do anything?’ I said, ‘Mrs. Van Lewis-Smythe, Your Grace, I fix dripping faucets around our house. I prop up sagging bookshelves. I glue broken china. I clean windows, mirrors, floors, walls, pots and pans, and dishes. I jiggle the doodads on running toilets. I repair and refinish furniture. I cane chairs. I paint and sew. I do electrical work, drive nails, saw boards, and I give birth to our babies. I wash and iron and make the beds. I prepare the meals. I get the children to school. I trim the hedge, plant and maintain a vegetable garden and flower garden. I mow the lawn, clean the basement, feed the birds, the cats, a dog, and a chicken, and I chauffeur a very important vice-president of the Hi Lee Lolly Corporation to and from the bar car every blessed day.”

And a December 22, 1986 cartoon caption by Booth contains 150 words:

The New Yorker, December 22, 1986

“Mother sends Season’s Greetings with her love to you, Lydia.  She says how she does so wish to spend the holidays with us but she knows that would mean we would have to drive five hundred and fifty miles to her house, as it is impossible for her to accept our invitation to come to our house, since our house, being so untidy, no offense intended, in parentheses, makes her uncomfortable to the point of actually causing her to become physically ill, but that she is willing to be a martyr all alone in order to keep everybody happy, while at the same time she is hoping with all the strength her aged bones can muster that we shall decide to drive to her house, knowing every mile of the five hundred and fifty miles that we are helping to make an old lady’s heart very happy happy happy.”

Not to be outdone, Henry Martin published a caption with 107 words in the July 4, 1988 issue:

The New Yorker, July 4, 1988

“Good evening, and welcome to the Alvarado Theatre.  In this evening’s performance, the part of Eddie, usually played by Jeff Guthrie, will be played by Wally Zorn.  The management requests that you observe the no-smoking regulations and reminds you that the taking of pictures during the performance is strictly prohibited.  Beverages are not allowed in the seating areas, and we ask you to place all litter in the proper receptacles.  Please take note of the exit nearest you, in the event of an emergency.  Keep your feet off the balcony railing.  The blowing of bubble gum is forbidden, and ladies are asked to remove their hats.”

Wrapping up his interview in The Essential George Booth, Lorenz remarks of Booth’s captioning ability, “It’s a very special kind of skill. Very few writers can do that.”

“It’s like throwing corn to the chickens. You know, you get one chicken and after a while they all come around,” concludes Booth.

Below are two other examples of Booth’s and Martin’s elaborate entries in the caption competition.

The New Yorker, January 21, 1991, by Henry Martin

The New Yorker, February 18, 1985, by George Booth